Why can’t I sleep like a normal person?

I mean, it’s not hard.  At least, it doesn’t look hard.  The Hub puts his head down and then 2 minutes later I’m fighting the urge to give him some Tontine therapy (ie, smother him with his pillow.  Tontine is a well-known brand of pillows and I shouldn’t be needing to explain this.  Damn.  I’ve lost the flow.  Ignore this bit).  *clears throat*  Sorry.

I’ve heard the ‘head-down-go-to-sleep’ phenomenon is quite common, if you’re not an insomniac or stressed, or under the age of 5 but I’ve never been able to get the hang of it.  At night.

During the day it’s a completely different story.  On any form of transport it’s a completely different story.  Head down and 5 minutes later I’m looking all sweet and angelic in my blissful sleep but at night?  Nup.

My natural diurnal cycle involves falling asleep 2-3 hours later each night until it’s suddenly 1000 and I’m ready for bed.  That’s AM people.  In the morning.  24 hour clock.  And that’s when I try to reset my clock by staying up all day and lurching around like a zombie until I can’t take it any more and crawl into bed at 1800 to wake up at 0100 and think fuck!  Then the next day/night it’ll be 1930 ’til 0400 and I’ll still weep a little weep in frustration but then the next night I’ll fall asleep 2200 to wake at 0600 and it’ll be happy dancing all over the shop.  If I was a morning person.  But I’m not, soooo . . . disregard?

Yup.  Disregard.

So I’ll go to bed like normal people for a few days, able to look them in the eye, smug with the secret knowledge that I’m one of them and all will be well.  Until I start to need taking a nap during the day because I’m so damned tired or some stressor/trigger pushes me into bed to hide and then it all starts again.


That’s when I have people in the house.  If I’m alone for long stretches it’s not a problem.  I’ll sleep whenever I like (always during the day) and I don’t have to feel bad about it, like some kind of loser or freak, and revel in the knowledge that there’s just a handful of us awake at this time, this magical, mysterious time that only the fortunate few can share in.  I like being awake during the night when all is quiet.  Social convention doesn’t.

Social convention blows.

But when I’m not alone I have to try to conform and it sucks.  I had a sleep study done and all the wiggly lines were as they should be and I came away with proof that I don’t snore so pfthbthfpb to Hub and I don’t care what he says, 2.5% snoring time = I don’t snore because that’s almost 0% and that’s just maths.

So I’ll continue to shove pills down my throat at night in order to try and be normal and not throw the boogerman’s schedule off.  He’s got a lot of uncovered feet to eat.